


the baddest bitches

by slowglow



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Explicit Language, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mutual Pining, but is it really humor? who can say, but no graphic descriptions, chatfic, just boys being stupid, soyou is hyunwoo's gf because i love her, this whole fic will be stupid just be warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:22:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21931390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slowglow/pseuds/slowglow
Summary: nuisance: you were so drunk you were typing out your love letter to gong yoowonnie <3: that’s not the worst thing I could have donenuisance: you texted it to mewonnie <3: NO_____________________a chatfic where kihyun sucks at hiding his crush on changkyun, hyungwon and hoseok are grossly in love, minhyuk keeps accidentally sending his nudes to people, jooheon is a soft boi who can't stop crushing on tough bois, and hyunwoo just wants some peace and quiet
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 12
Kudos: 121





	1. exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which hyungwon's love for gong yoo is exposed and so are minhyuk's nudes

minhyukuwu created a new chat

minhyukuwu added shownunu, leehoseok, yooki, chaewonnie, heonybee, and iamwhatiam to the chat 

**minhyukuwu** named the chat  **bad bitches 2.0**

**minhyukuwu** changed their name to  **the baddest bitch**

the baddest bitch: hello bitches

the baddest bitch: i hope you are all alive and well after last night

heonybee: keyword: alive 

**iamwhatiam** changed their name to  **kyun**

kyun: cl sunbaenim is that you

heonybee: hyung only wishes he was that powerful

yooki: sunbaenim??

kyun: minhyuk hyung’s new name: the baddest bitch (second to lee chaelin) 

yooki: you’re not in the same line of work

kyun: that is an insult to my rap skills and my mixtape 

yooki: what skills 

heonybee: FUCK 

heonybee: changkyun did you survive that stab in the back 

kyun: i’m crying 

leehoseok: yoo kihyun!! how dare you make my baby cry :(

yooki: hoseok you are a 22 year old male who has never had a child 

leehoseok: my son 

the baddest bitch: kihyun is just tormenting kyunie bc he likes him 

the baddest bitch: yknow how six year olds do because they don’t know how to express their emotions 

yooki: minhyuk i’m going to shove your new succulents up your ass 

the baddest bitch: but you didn’t deny it

kyun: minhyuk leave him be 

kyun: i forgive you hyung for having a bad taste in music 

yooki: i didn’t ask you to forgive me?? 

kyun: i accept your apology

kyun: now let’s go get food 

**shownunu** changed their name to  **hyunwoo**

hyunwoo: where are we eating 

heonybee: LOL hyung 

kyun: hyunwoo hyung only showing up for the food

heonybee: respect

yooki: who tf uses lol anymore 

**the baddest bitch** changed  **yooki’s** name to  **bully**

bully: i reject this nickname!!

bully: i am the nicest one in this group chat 

kyun: that’s offensive to hoseokie hyung

heonybee: yesterday in the cafeteria you told hyungwon you would skin him if he took the last piece of pumpkin bread 

bully: i was joking!! i wouldn’t actually skin him!! 

heonybee: you can never be too safe hyung 

bully: i hate everyone

leehoseok: :( 

bully: except you hoseok 

bully: you’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here 

**the baddest bitch** changed  **leehoseok’s** name to  **actual angel**

actual angel: :D

the baddest bitch: kihyun get your panties untwisted and come pick us up 

bully: excuse me

heonybee: we want food 

bully: why

heonybee: because

heonybee: we’re tired and hungover

bully: who’s we

kyun: me and jooheon 

kyun: and minhyuk because he’s at our apartment 

hyunwoo: is he ever not at your apartment? 

bully: he’s my roommate and i literally never see him 

bully: who’s minhyuk? i don’t know him 

the baddest bitch: you don’t cuddle me

the baddest bitch: therefore, i resort to other measures 

bully: hyunwoo hyung i’m on my way to pick you up

hyunwoo: cool 

bully: hoseok are you and hyungwon coming too? 

bully: because if you are then we’re gonna have to squeeze

kyun: i can sit in the trunk 

heonybee: no you cannot 

heonybee: it’s dark back there, you wouldn’t be able to see 

bully: and it’s literally so dangerous?? and illegal?? 

bully: i’m not letting you sit in the trunk changkyun wtf 

the baddest bitch: aw kihyun actually does have some compassion 

bully: minhyuk i swear to god

actual angel: to answer your question kihyun no we’re not coming along 

actual angel: i’m finishing up a paper and wonnie is still napping off his hangover

kyun: still??

actual angel: yeah he woke up like an hour ago and i could’ve sworn he was still drunk 

bully: that’s what happens when you get hammered and you’re 0% body mass

the baddest bitch: wake him up and ask him if he wants food 

actual angel: i can’t 

the baddest bitch: why

actual angel: he’s sleeping on my tummy 

actual angel: too cute to wake up

heonybee: that’s soft as fuck 

kyun: someone love me like that 

kyun: i’m a slut for love 

heonybee: and for other things

the baddest bitch: i’m sure kihyun could help you out with that 

bully: hyunwoo i’m here 

bully: and also minhyuk i’m ignoring you 

the baddest bitch: coward 

bully: i have the power to leave you at home while hyunwoo hyung and i go get food 

bully: don’t test me bitch 

the baddest bitch: do it you won’t 

the baddest bitch: you love us too much 

kyun: yeah even when minhyuk hyung is being nuisance

the baddest bitch: you little rat 

heonybee: plus hyung, you could never leave your tired, hungover children starving

heonybee: your caretaker instincts would be screaming at you all night long

bully: … 

bully: i’m outside 

bully: hurry up before i change my mind

the baddest bitch: i told you so 

bully: ten seconds

the baddest bitch: COMING 

_______________________

**bully** changed  **the baddest bitch’s** name to  **nuisance**

bully: lee fucking minhyuk has been disowned 

nuisance: i’m right here

bully: sometimes i can still hear his voice 

actual angel: what did he do to get on kihyun’s nerves this time

kyun: “this time”

bully: i could make a list 

bully: a long list 

bully: maybe color code it 

nuisance: stop being so dramatic you big baby

bully: you spilled your soup on the waiter

nuisance: i don’t see you point

nuisance: accidents happen 

bully: and then hit on him as he was cleaning it up

nuisance: at least the soup wasn’t hot !!! 

nuisance: but the waiter was

nuisance: if you catch my drift

nuisance:  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

kyun: so minhyuk’s horny for the waiter? it’s definitely not the first time

heonybee: yeah, so why did you disown him this time 

bully: because before we left the waiter cornered me in the bathroom and tried to give me his number 

bully: then i had to politely shut him down and it was awkward! 

nuisance: YOU BITCH 

nuisance: you stole my man 

bully: couldn’t steal him when he was never yours to begin with

kyun: ouch 

nuisance: wounded but impressed ngl 

actual angel: why didn’t you say yes!? was he cute??? 

heonybee: very 

nuisance: but not kihyun’s type 

heonybee:  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

nuisance: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

bully: disowned both of you

chaewonnie: wtf why is there a new chat 

nuisance: ahh! sleeping beauty is finally awake!! 

**chaewonnie** changed their name to  **won**

**actual angel** changed  **won’s** name to  **wonnie <3**

actual angel: :) 

wonnie <3: :|

actual angel: :(

wonnie <3: :)

actual angel: :D

heonybee: disgusting

kyun: watching the gays communicate is truly fascinating 

bully: hyungwon do you remember anything from last night 

wonnie <3: no 

bully: figures

nuisance: you were so drunk you were typing out your love letter to gong yoo 

wonnie <3: that’s not the worst thing I could have done 

nuisance: you texted it to me 

wonnie <3: NO 

kyun: LMAO 

heonybee: PLEASE SEND IT HYUNG 

heonybee: I’ll do whatever you want 

nuisance: whatever I want  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

heonybee: ew perv 

nuisance: :(

kyun: I’ll suck your dick hyung 

bully: changkyun wtf 

nuisance: don’t worry kyunnie 

nuisance: kihyun is just jealous 

bully: i’m not jealous?? 

heonybee: he’s jealous 

bully: jooheon I will bust your kneecaps

wonnie <3: so is anyone gonna tell me why we have a new chat 

bully: minhyuk got drunk and deleted the old one 

nuisance: by accident !!

heonybee: yeah “by accident” 

nuisance: it was actually an accident you fool 

kyun: yeah sure hyung, it just so happened to disappear ten minutes after hoseokie hyung sent your nudes 

heonybee: that’s the tea sis 

kyun: i’m a boy 

bully: wtf minhyuk why does hoseok hyung have your nudes

actual angel: he sent them to me 

nuisance: don’t phrase it like that you punk ass 

nuisance: hyung’s messages were right above the boy i was sexting 

nuisance: and then i fucked up 

hyunwoo: i have them too 

heonybee: minhyuk hyung working his way around the group

kyun: lmao hyung 

nuisance: why the fuck !!! do you have my nudes too !!

hyunwoo: you sent them to me? 

heonybee: honestly minhyuk i’m starting to see alterior motives here 

nuisance: when !!!!????????

hyunwoo: uh idk 

hyunwoo: let me check 

nuisance: you still have them saved !!!!!!!!!!!???????

hyunwoo: not on purpose 

hyunwoo: i just never delete any messages

nuisance: what if someone hacks your phone and just sees?? my ass?? in your messages?? 

bully: no one is gonna hack hyunwoo’s phone 

kyun: plus, no offense hyung, even if they did they wouldn’t go looking through your messages 

heonybee: yeah you’re not that interesting 

nuisance: wow

nuisance: dragged by my own two children

heonybee: you better delete them before jihyun noona sees them 

heonybee: she might think you’re having an affair with minhyuk 

hyunwoo: oh she’s seen them already 

nuisance: oh fantastic!

nuisance: i’m gonna go throw myself off a bridge now

bully: what 

bully: did she say anything 

hyunwoo: she just asked, “is this minhyuk” 

hyunwoo: and i said yes 

bully: how did she recognize minhyuk by just his ass 

bully: i live with him and i don’t even know if i could do that 

nuisance: i’m strangely offended?? 

nuisance: is my ass not good enough for you??

heonybee: your ass isn’t the one that he wants 

kyun: your ass is good enough for me hyung 

wonnie <3: what a backhanded compliment 

nuisance: explain 

wonnie <3: changkyun has the lowest standards in men, but also that was weirdly sweet 

kyun: i’d be offended but you’re not wrong lol 

nuisance: changkyunie you’re my favorite 

bully: are we just gonna ignore the fact that noona saw minhyuk’s ass on hyunwoo’s phone and didn’t react? 

nuisance: i’m trying 

hyunwoo: she just asked if there was a reason he sent it to me

hyunwoo: i said no 

hyunwoo: and she said, “well that does sound like minhyuk” 

nuisance: unbelievable 

bully: lee minhyuk you are the most unashamed person that i know, i don’t know how you’re surprised 

nuisance: i don’t know what you’re talking about

bully: the waiter tonight 

kyun: that single mom that lives next door to you 

heonybee: your chem TA from last semester !! 

nuisance: okay so i’m bi what’s your point? 

bully: disowned 

nuisance: you can’t disown me because i’m bi

nuisance: pretty sure that’s a hate crime

hyunwoo: jihyun wants me to tell you that she’s making way too much spaghetti and that you’re all invited over to eat tonight 

kyun: jihyun noona: feeding a starving child, one bowl of noodles at a time 

heonybee: kyun and i are coming over :D

actual angel: me and wonnie will too! 

bully: i guess i’ll drag minhyuk along with me 

heonybee: yay family dinner :D :D

nuisance: i’m only coming so that i can “accidentally” run into that guy who lives next door to you hyunwoo 

bully: nevermind

bully: i will be coming alone 

nuisance: that spaghetti isn’t the only noodle i’ll be slurping 

bully: DISOWNED

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm having a lot of fun writing this, so pls let me know if you like it / want more / if this is even funny lmao


	2. ranking the gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which jooheon hates his job at the grocery store and changkyun shows his love for gossip girl

chat:  **bad bitches 2.0**

**heonybee** changed their name to  **sad honey**

sad honey: i hate my job 

sad honey: someone please talk to me i’m lonely

sad honey:  (个_个)

sad honey: okay i know someone is reading these 

sad honey: answer me whores

kyun: you rang? 

nuisance: present 

sad honey: it wasn’t a role call but thank u 

bully: shouldn’t you be yknow 

bully: working 

bully: instead of spamming the groupchat 

sad honey: i have nothing to do

sad honey: i’ve been eating gummy worms and turning bags of expired bread into stress balls

nuisance: joobs are you okay

sad honey: i honestly don’t know hyung

nuisance: i thought you were working with ilhoon tonight?? 

sad honey: i am, but jieun noona won’t let us talk to each other

sad honey: says we’re too unproductive

wonnie <3: i mean, she’s probably right 

kyun: well you ARE always staring at him with your stupid mushy face 

kyun: instead of doing your goddamn job

sad honey: excuse me

sad honey: i do NOT have a stupid face 

bully: you didn’t deny staring at him 

kyun: it’s because he does

sad honey: i do 

actual angel: why don’t you ask him out !!

sad honey: are you kidding me 

sad honey: i could NEVER

kyun: you should see the pure panic on his face whenever they talk in theory

kyun: the other day ilhoon hyung asked joo for his notes

kyun: joo got so flustered that he spilled his coffee all over his desk and ruined them 

sad honey: he’s way too cool for me :( 

kyun: hyung is just a scaredy cat gay

actual angel: go get coffee or study together! baby steps 

sad honey: it’s okay hyung, i’ve just accepted defeat 

sad honey: i’ll just wallow in my useless crush forever

sad honey: there’s nothing about me to like anyway

kyun: idk man your ass is pretty sweet

kyun: no homo though

wonnie <3: i’m gonna let the self deprication slide to acknowledge the fact that im changkyun

wonnie <3: the biggest homo in this group

wonnie <3: said no homo 

kyun: idk i think minhyuk is a pretty big homo 

nuisance: i mean yes 

nuisance: but also i just got pussy a few days ago 

nuisance: so idk what your definition of homo is, but i’m not quite sure i fit it

kyun: rank the group from least homo to most homo go 

wonnie <3: changkyun wtf 

kyun: so hyunwoo is least because he’s only ever had pussy 

kyun: which is so not homo 

bully: i guess we can’t argue? 

kyun: and then for the bisexuals we have jooheon, minhyuk, and hoseok 

nuisance: i’m first because i get way more pussy than the other two 

nuisance: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

actual angel: i’m in a committed relationship with a dick !! 

bully: you said it not me

wonnie <3: hoseok!

actual angel: that’s not what i meant and you know it 

actual angel: i love your dick :(

actual angel: and your personality 

kyun: nice afterthought hyung you really saved yourself 

nuisance: so then hoseok is second because of his dick commitment 

nuisance: and then joobs 

sad honey: why is hoseok less homo than me 

nuisance: because you’ve only had a crush on one (1) girl the entire two years that i’ve known you 

nuisance: and you’ve had crushes on like seventy boys 

sad honey: okay fair i can’t argue with that 

kyun: how about the gays!! 

wonnie <3: how do you rank gays 

nuisance: hyungwon, kihyun, changkyun

nuisance: done 

bully: wow okay

kyun: explain 

nuisance: hyungwon unironically uses the word bro, kihyun wears sweater vests, and changkyun literally has a klance sticker on his theory binder 

**wonnie <3** changed  **kyun’s** name to  **weeb**

weeb: i will wear it with pride 

wonnie <3: don’t 

weeb: yeah okay mr. least homo gay in this chat 

wonnie <3: that didn’t make any sense but i’ll let you think you made a point

nuisance: ur just mad that kihyun is more homo than u are 

wonnie <3: i’m at hyunwoo’s right now lee minhyuk and i will send your nudes 

nuisance: you wouldn’t dare

bully: why are you at hyunwoo’s, i thought hoseok was finishing a paper

actual angel: i am 

actual angel: jihyun is helping me revise and then hyunwoo and i are gonna go work out 

wonnie <3: plus their laundry is free so noona and i are doing laundry and watching gossip girl 

weeb: CAN I COME OVER

wonnie <3: sure?? 

sad honey: changkyun loves gossip girl 

weeb: i do 

weeb: i’ve even figured out who we all are 

wonnie <3: oh please do tell 

nuisance: oh hush you gremlin, indulge in the baby 

wonnie <3: he isn’t a baby, he’s a demon spawn 

nuisance: babie 

nuisance: go on kyunnie i’m listening 

weeb: okay so hyunwoo hyung is nate bc he’s charming on the outside and soft on the inside 

hyunwoo: that’s what jihyun always says 

weeb: omg hi hyung 

weeb: i’m blessed to have goddess jihyun on my side 

weeb: jooheon is jenny humphrey: a creative but also a brat on most days 

sad honey: i reject that statement 

nuisance: just the other day you ignored me for three hours because i bought you the wrong brand of banana milk 

nuisance: a brat you are 

sad honey: (◕︿◕✿)

weeb: kihyun is chuck: outwardly hostile and stone cold, but has a lot of Feelings on the inside

weeb: and i’m blair: pretty, a little cunty, but the best damn character on the whole show 

weeb:  (✿ᵕuᵕ)☆

nuisance: are none of us going to acknowledge that changkyun basically shipped him and kihyun

bully: what

nuisance: ah kihyun how nice of u to join us 

wonnie <3: nope, no one is going to acknowledge that

wonnie <3: who is hoseok, you forgot him 

weeb: hoseok hyung is vanessa: artsy and introspective, but will also cut a bitch if you mess w her friends

wonnie <3: vanessa was a bitch 

weeb: not for the whole show !! just at the end 

weeb: last but not least !!

weeb: hyungwon is serena: elegant, a sweetheart, but also a little snobby 

actual angel: true 

wonnie <3: wow boyfriend doesn’t mean shit to you huh 

actual angel: you know it’s true !!

wonnie <3: whatever

wonnie <3: the only fictional character i want to become is euntak 

nuisance: so u want to get hit by a bus 

wonnie <3: i’d be saving school children !!! 

wonnie <3: but also yes 

**nuisance** changed  **wonnie <3’s ** name to  **yoo hyungwon**

nuisance: there

yoo hyungwon: that makes me sound like i’m in love with kihyun

bully: oh my god 

weeb: yoo isn’t his surname you idiot

yoo hyungwon: i know that!! minhyuk changed it 

**actual angel** changed  **yoo hyungwon’s** name to  **lee hyungwon**

actual angel: :) 

weeb: how much do u wanna bet hyungwon is lighting himself on fire rn 

lee hyungwon: i’m fine 

weeb: he’s choking 

actual angel: won!! 

nuisance: omg hoseok you killed him 

actual angel: i’m crying

weeb: calm down he’s fine 

weeb: noona just came in and slapped his back a few times 

weeb: he’ll live

nuisance: goddess jihyun

nuisance: what would we do without her 

sad honey: die from choking on our own spit 

actual angel: thank you jihyun noona for slapping my boyfriend 

bully: that’s a sentence i never expected to read 

weeb: she says you’re welcome

**lee hyungwon** changed his name to  **won**

won: i am disowning everyone in this chat 

sad honey: uh oh guys

sad honey: jieun just caught me on my phone so now i have to go back to work :(

wonnie <3: you mean this whole time you weren’t working

sad honey: nah 

sad honey: i was sitting behind one of the pallets eating a granola bar

bully: jesus christ

sad honey: oof she’s coming back gotta blast

bully: unbelievable 

weeb: do u think that’s what jimmy neutron says when he’s gonna blow a load 

won: that’s it 

won: i’m leaving and never coming back 

nuisance: that’s enough friendship for today

bully: changkyun we’re all logging off so you can sit and think about what you’ve done 

weeb: lmao cmon guys 

weeb: get it 

weeb:  _ come _ on guys

weeb: i’m a comedian

weeb: oh u weren’t kidding 

weeb: >:(

weeb: assholes, all of you

___________________

actual angel: is there a word between angry and sad 

bully: malcontent, disgruntled, miserable

weeb: smad

actual angel: no changkyun but i appreciate your effort 

weeb: (⌒▽⌒)☆

bully: are you still editing hyung

actual angel: yes

actual angel: it’s due in twenty minutes

actual angel: i’m on my last page and hyungwon is feeding me chips 

actual angel: i cannot fail 

**actual angel** changed their name to  **superman**

weeb: hyung is gonna take the nap of his life after submitting that paper 

nuisance: so is hyungwon 

sad honey: couples that nap together stay together 

nuisance: my honeybee!!!

nuisance: how was the end of ur shift?? did jieun tear you apart?? 

sad honey: nah, the opposite really

sad honey: she let me and ilhoon sweep the produce room together 

nuisance: wow i love love 

weeb: did u guys fall in love amidst the apple boxes

weeb: or maybe in the watermelon barrel 

nuisance: ahh to fall in love in the watermelon barrel 

sad honey: well actually 

nuisance: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sad honey: nevermind it’s nothing 

nuisance: lee jooheon tell us or i will send kihyun over to your apartment with the burnt ass cookies he just made

bully: watch your back lee minhyuk i know where you sleep 

sad honey: it’s nothing

sad honey: just… after our shift ilhoon asked me if i wanted to get coffee and study sometime? and i said yes?? 

weeb: that’s great joobs!! 

hyunwoo: :)

nuisance: JOOOOOOOOOO

nuisance: ALSKDJNXKFGH

nuisance: YOU HAVE A DATEEEE

weeb: *lets out the longest yeah boi ever* 

hyunwoo: !!!

weeb: see joo, even hyunwoo hyung is excited

hyunwoo: :D

weeb: that’s his excited face!! 

sad honey: it doesn’t feel like a date though? it just feels like friends hanging out? 

nuisance: THEN WOO HIM WITH YOUR MANLY CHARMS

nuisance: I’M SO EXCITED

nuisance: i’ll do your makeup

nuisance: hyungwon can pick out ur outfit 

bully: or i can help pick out his outfit? 

nuisance: we are not letting u near his outfit with a twenty foot pole

sad honey: i don’t know… 

nuisance: it wasn’t a question lee jooheon i’m doing ur makeup

sad honey: … 

superman: just go and try it out heony! maybe he does want it to be a date and you’ll miss your opportunity by not going!

weeb: “a safe in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for” 

nuisance: okay aristotle??

sad honey: i guess i can try it 

sad honey: are you done with your paper hyung

superman: yes, and i’m gonna go sleep for ten years 

superman: hyungwon is already passed out

sad honey: goodnight hyungs!! 

superman: goodnight joobs :( 

bully: i would say look at us actually going to bed on time but it’s 2am

weeb: sleeping is for pussies!! 

nuisance: and with that i’m out 

nuisance: goodnight losers

weeb: goodnight hyung :) 

weeb: sleep well everyone ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

______________________

private chat between  **kihyunie** and  **minhyukie**

kihyunie: did u actually go to sleep 

minhyukie: i’m trying 

minhyukie: what’s up 

kihyunie: nevermind, it can wait 

minhyukie: kihyun… 

kihyunie: okay fine 

kihyunie: did kyun really ship the two of us together 

minhyukie: yoo kihyun

minhyukie: i can’t believe 

minhyukie: it’s literally 2am 

kihyunie: you wanted me to talk about it!!!

minhyukie: … 

minhyukie: all i’m gonna say is that on gossip girl chuck and blair were madly in love and basically soulmates 

minhyukie: take from that what you will 

kihyunie: oh, that’s… cool 

minhyukie: don’t u dare pull that calm shit on me i heard that squeal come from ur room 

kihyunie: you heard nothing 

minhyukie: i hear EVERYTHING

minhyukie: i love our kihyunie with a crush, he's so soft

kihyunie: die 

minhyukie: ;)

minhyukie: anyways

minhyukie: goodnight my darling roommate 

minhyukie: kisses and smooches i love you

kihyunie: goodnight min

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my very simple take on mx as gossip girl characters bc i saw a thread on twitter lmao 
> 
> and before anyone asks, yes i work at a grocery store, and yes we do turn the bags of expired bread into stress balls
> 
> sorry that this update took so long >:( i’ve had a lot going on in my life recently, but things are starting to mellow out, so i’m finally writing again. i’m planning on trying to get this updated at least once a week, but it could be a little longer between updates for a little bit because of my current life situation. this is more of a side project of mine, so updates may be a little sporadic, but i will keep updating!
> 
> the plot begins next chapter >:)
> 
> until next time!


	3. better think about it twice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which changkyun has a fanboy moment and hyunwoo has big news

chat: **bad bitches 2.0**

**sad honey** changed their name to  **honey**

honey: i am no longer sad just tired

honey: also

honey: changkyun why do i hear screaming coming from your room it’s midnight?? 

honey: i’m trying to sleep?? 

honey: wtf are you crying now? 

honey: and your door’s locked 

honey: im changkyun open your goddamn door or else i will break it down 

weeb: you can’t do that hyung you’re too fragile 

honey: why is your door locked 

honey: changkyun don’t ignore me i’m worried 

honey: i can see that you’re reading these!! 

honey: unlock your door!! 

won: what is all this spam i’m trying to get laid 

superman: changkyun what’s wrong!! 

won: bitch why did you push me off the bed 

superman: i’m worried for my son and you were trying to grope me!! 

superman: i didn’t mean to push you off, you’re just like a damn feather 

bully: who do i need to beat up 

bully: i don’t know who made you cry but i will kill them 

honey: i can hear you crying changkyun 

honey: at least tell us what’s wrong if you don’t wanna open your door 

weeb: it’s stupid i don’t want to 

superman: tell us kyunie!! we’re here to listen to you!! 

nuisance: yes baby :( we love you so much!! 

weeb: promise you won’t think it’s stupid 

superman: promise!! 

nuisance: promise 

honey: promise :) 

weeb: okay 

weeb: i didn’t get tickets to see twice 

nuisance: oh i see 

honey: ...that’s rather unfortunate changkyunie 

won: okay i’m sorry 

won: i know we said we wouldn’t say it 

won: but i’m just gonna say it anyway

won: changkyun you’re a damn idiot 

superman: won!!

nuisance: hyungwon shut the fuck up challenge

weeb: don’t invalidate my feelings :( 

honey: now look you made him sad 

superman: chae hyungwon i WILL sexile you

bully: hyungwon if you made him cry again i will k word you 

nuisance: k word 

bully: i’ve been trying to censor myself recently

won: look i didn’t mean to invalidate your feelings but you kind of had us super worried?? and you’re crying over a concert 

weeb: it’s not just a concert hyung!! you know how much they mean to me :( 

won: i know kyun, but you just scared us a bit, that’s all 

weeb: i’m sorry :( 

weeb: i was just so excited 

weeb: i even stole jooheon’s laptop so i could have three ways to get tickets 

honey: you what 

bully: they’ll be back to seoul again kyunie, we’ll get another chance to see them

nuisance: notice how he said we 

bully: i will skin you

nuisance: what happened to censoring yourself huh 

weeb: thanks hyung :( 

weeb: i’m just sad 

weeb: i’ll never get to meet the love of my life im nayeon

weeb: we already share a surname

weeb: she wouldn’t even have to change her name when we get married 

bully: changkyun you’re gay

weeb: and what’s your point 

bully: well 

bully: nothing i guess? 

weeb: n e ways!! 

weeb: i’m just gonna go cry in my room 

weeb: joobs my door is unlocked if u wanna snuggle 

honey: do you want a snack 

weeb: yes please :( 

hyunwoo: oh twice 

hyunwoo: that’s my cousin’s group 

weeb: YOUR WHAT

nuisance: hyung what

honey: hyunwoo hyung, changkyun just inhaled a piece of popcorn and is currently suffocating

honey: you better have an explanation 

hyunwoo: my cousin is in twice, i thought i told you guys?

weeb: NO?????? 

weeb: YOU MOSF CERYAINLT DID NOT

weeb: HYUNWOO 

weeb: WHO

weeb: no

weeb: chaeyoung 

weeb: son chaeyoung

weeb: i’m gonna puke

honey: we’re on my bed pls don’t puke 

superman: is he alive wonnie and i are worried 

won: hoseok is worried

superman: i am worried 

nuisance: oh my fucken god he fucken dead

nuisance: hyunwoo how do u feel knowing that u could’ve saved our maknae 

nuisance: our babie and beloved child 

hyunwoo: don’t really feel any different than i did a few minutes ago 

superman: HYUNWOO 

won: absolutely no remorse, what an icon 

honey: update: changkyun actually did throw up and has now locked himself in the bathroom

weeb: and i’m not coming out 

nuisance: lmao me when i was fifteen 

bully: changkyun quit being such a freaking drama queen 

weeb: that term is offensive because it paints women as hormonal monsters and makes their emotional reactions seem unjustified 

weeb: so just for that i will stay in the bathroom longer 

honey: dumbass you’re gonna starve 

weeb: stare at my bones and weep 

bully: i will break all 206 of your useless bones if you don’t come out of the bathroom right now

weeb: bite me 

nuisance: don’t offer that, he would like it too much 

won: i need a nap

won: this is too much for me to handle 

weeb: i just can’t believe 

weeb: that no one told me 

honey: changkyun

weeb: NO let me finish 

weeb: i have the right to be angry 

weeb: not ONE of y’all fake motherfuckers told me that the goddess!! son chaeyoung was only one (1) family member away from me !!!

weeb: i could have been breathing the SAME AIR as her and yet you fuckers just let yourselves be entertained by my fanboy antics !!

weeb: i’m so tired 

weeb: i freaking hate it here

honey: we didn’t know!! 

nuisance: yeah changkyunie :( we’re just as surprised as you are

superman: i mean 

nuisance: i wouldn’t finish that sentence if you want to live lee hoseok 

superman: i knew but i didn’t know? 

weeb: you’re dead to me 

superman: i knew hyunwoo had a famous cousin in an idol group, but i didn’t know which one!!!

bully: i also knew… 

bully: but i’m the same as hoseok, i didn’t know who his cousin was!

weeb: that’s it i’m officially staying in the bathroom forever 

weeb: i will Rot in here and there’s nothing you can do to stop me 

hyunwoo: i can get you tickets

weeb: i am coming out of the bathroom right now and running over to your apartment to hug you hyung 

honey: oh thank god i rly had to pee 

honey: also he wasn’t kidding, he literally bolted out the front door 

hyunwoo: chaeyoung said she might even be able to get hi touch for you too 

superman: it’s been five minutes changkyun are you alive 

hyunwoo: he fell on the way over here 

hyunwoo: and tackled me to the ground in my own home 

weeb: i’m just full of love hyung

nuisance: and the only way he can express it is through aggressive affection 

weeb: i could kiss you 

bully: changkyun no 

won: dumb bitch really just ate shit and no one is gonna comment 

won: what happened to never giving up a chance to roast changkyun

nuisance: i will tomorrow

nuisance: i’m just happy for his scrawny lil fanboy ass rn 

weeb:  ﾉ>ω<)ﾉ :｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

weeb: thanks hyung ur my only supporter

superman: what about me 

weeb: i haven’t forgotten

superman: what if i buy you lunch tomorrow 

weeb: okay i might conveniently forget this One Thing

won: shocking

honey: so not to change the subject but i’m eating the best dumplings rn 

nuisance: cannibalism 

honey: what 

nuisance:  ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

nuisance: that’s me sending u all of my love and smooches 

honey: disgusting 

weeb: don’t believe him he’s blushing 

bully: wtf how are you back to your apartment already 

nuisance: witchcraft

won: demon energy probably 

weeb: a dad with a car

weeb: hyunwoo hyung gave me a ride back 

weeb: i couldn’t stay, i have a lot to do tomorrow and it’s already 2am

nuisance: oh that’s right changkyunie, i heard you have a date tomorrow 

bully: a what 

honey: a date hyung 

honey: yknow- a social outing where two people see if they are compatible for love and potentially a committed relationship

hyunwoo: jooheon

honey: yes

hyunwoo: stop talking

honey: right

superman: my kkukkungie, going on a date?? 

weeb: maybe

superman: who is this boy

superman: is he worthy of my wonderful angel son who deserves everything perfect in the world and more 

weeb: hyung <:{

weeb: his name is wonwoo, he’s in my chem class 

weeb: he’s really sweet, we’ve been lab partners this whole semester and he asked me out last week 

weeb: apparently he’s had a crush on me for a while

superman: well who wouldn’t have a crush on you?!! 

superman: i would’ve been pissed if he didn’t have a crush on you 

weeb: thanks? i guess 

nuisance: what’s wrong kyunie? you don’t seem very excited

weeb: i am excited!! 

weeb: but i don’t know

weeb: he’s really cute and gentle and i just don’t see why he would want to ask me out? 

weeb: like i’m kind of a joke 

honey: i can literally feel hoseok vibrating with anger from here 

won: yeah just wait, give him a minute 

superman: im changkyun

won: here he goes 

superman: you are the kindest, smartest, most thoughtful, and most creative boy i know. you put everyone’s needs before your own and you love with your whole entire heart. you may be fucking weird sometimes, but you have a magical brain and we love every second of it. you are our fucking cinnamon apple, and i will not listen to another second of your self deprication. if this boy treats you like a joke you will not sit there and take it, you will find someone who deserves you and treasures you like the gift you are

honey: hyung are you okay

won: he’s crying 

superman: i just love you changkyunie 

superman: and everyone else too 

weeb: hyung

nuisance: hoseok hyung do you need us to come over

won: no i’m with him, he’s just feeling emotional today

superman: i just needed to beat some sense into my child 

superman: and now that i got that out 

superman: i’m back 

superman: :D

honey: i think i have whiplash 

weeb: wow i just 

weeb: need to take that all in 

bully: he’s right though changkyun

bully: you are truly special, you don’t need to settle 

nuisance: woah kihyun pulling out his yearly compliments

honey: don’t get used to it 

weeb: everyone knock it off 

weeb: thank you kihyun hyung

weeb: you too hoseok hyung

nuisance: what do you think changkyunie, are you gonna go out with him 

weeb: i think so

weeb: i don’t know if it’ll turn into anything serious, but i enjoy spending time with him

weeb: maybe i’ll get a new friend 

superman: that’s the spirit baby :]

won: okay if we’re all done with this love fest can i go to sleep 

won: i have to get up in five hours and this face doesn’t stay this perfect on its own

nuisance: maybe if you didn’t live a horrid lifestyle you could be even prettier 

won: i don’t know what you mean 

honey: okay mr. chae “i sleep for five hours a day and drink nothing but coffee and banana milk” hyungwon 

won: i’m muting this chat 

won: goodnight heathens 

nuisance: :3

______________________________________

private chat with:  **kihyunie**

minhyukie: you kinda went radio silent in the group chat 

minhyukie: and then your little rant at the end 

minhyukie: are you okay

kihyunie: yeah i’m fine 

minhyukie: okay say that again but with more conviction

kihyunie: yeah i’m not fine 

kihyunie: but it’s okay

minhyukie: kihyun… 

kihyunie: i just want him to be happy yknow? 

kihyunie: and if this new boy makes him happy then i support it

minhyukie: kihyun 

minhyukie: you know changkyun, he’ll be done with this boy in a few weeks 

kihyunie: idk min there’s something different about this one 

kihyunie: not like the usual garbage guys he dates

kihyunie: this boy is sweet and gentle where i’m aggressive and violent 

minhyukie: you’re not aggressive and violent 

kihyunie: i threatened to shove your head in the freezer for eating my last taquito just a few hours ago 

minhyukie: okay you’re a little aggressive 

minhyukie: but in the most lovable way possible 

kihyunie: honestly it’s okay, i need to get over this...

kihyunie: crush... of mine 

kihyunie: maybe it’ll be for the best 

minhyukie: come and watch a movie with me instead of pouting in your room

minhyukie: i can hear you sulking from here

minhyukie: KIHYUN

minhyukie: oh my god

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ck and jh strike me as the members that are most likely to be fanboys so i had to make it happen
> 
> also, stan girl groups, stan talent, stan twice


	4. twenty questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which minhyuk accidentally inspires a heist and the hyungs have a collective dad moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi it's been two months i'm sorry :s

private chat between  **joobs** and  **kyunie**

joobs: so what happened to telling kihyun 

kyunie: telling kihyun what 

joobs: i will beat your ass 

kyunie: … fine 

kyunie: i don’t know, i thought about it? 

kyunie: but then wonwoo asked me out before i could work up the nerve

kyunie: and i figured i’d give myself one last try 

kyunie: yknow, to get over him 

joobs: how about

joobs: instead of getting over him!! 

joobs: TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!!

joobs: :D

kyunie: i will not !! thank u very much

kyunie: he’ll crush my feelings like a bug

kyunie: then pretend not to know me after i basically ruined our friendship 

joobs: first of all: kihyun has a lot of personality traits, but being an unwarranted asshole isn’t one of them 

joobs: second: you WONT ruin your friendship 

joobs: it might be a little awkward, but you just carry on 

kyunie: telling him i want him to ravage me will probably be a little more than awkward honeybee

joobs: DON’T START OUT WITH THAT 

joobs: god you’re hopeless 

joobs: a useless gay

kyunie: don’t remind me 

joobs: you start out by telling him you like !! him !!

joobs: and after you confess your mutual likingness THEN you tell him the ravaging thing 

kyunie: but what if there is no mutual likingness

joobs: there will be

kyunie: but what if there isn’t 

joobs: changkyun

kyunie: i’m having a crisis moment just entertain me

joobs: then you just go back to the way things were before 

joobs: it’ll turn out fine

kyunie: how do u know that mister “i’ve chickened out of confessing to every boy i’ve ever had a crush on” 

joobs: remember when hyungwon and i made out that one night 

kyunie: pls don’t remind me 

kyunie: i walked in on things i never should have seen 

joobs: the next day was so awkward for us 

joobs: but we just acknowledged that it happened and promised to never do it again 

kyunie: u better not 

kyunie: hoseokie hyung will pulverize you 

joobs: hoseok couldn’t pulverize anything let alone a grown ass man 

joobs: remember when he killed that ladybug and cried for twenty minutes afterwards

kyunie: that was devastating 

joobs: more like pathetic 

kyunie: okay so, i’ve decided that i will NEVER confess to kihyun and rot inside my pathetic brain full of Feelings 

joobs: i cannot believe 

kyunie: case closed 

joobs: fine 

joobs: for now

joobs: but you’re making things harder on yourself 

kyunie: what’s new 

joobs: just think about it 

kyunie: i will entertain the possible scenarios in my head

kyunie: but ur responsible if i have a mental breakdown 

joobs: once again, a hopeless gay

__________________________________________________

chat:  **bad bitches 2.0**

nuisance: i have an idea!!

won: that’s never a good sign 

nuisance: ignoring u ٩꒰ಂ❛ ▿❛ಂ꒱۶♡

nuisance: let’s play 20 questions!!

bully: why 

bully: i literally know everything about you fuckers 

nuisance: because i’m at the doctor’s office and i’m bored?? 

nuisance: entertain me or i’ll die 

won: then die 

bully: wtf why are you at the doctor’s office

nuisance: i might have fallen and broken my ankle

nuisance: but that’s besides that point!

hyunwoo: do we want to know how

nuisance: no

hyunwoo: ok

superman: this sounds like fun!!!

won: hoseok would do anything for a bonding moment 

superman: i would

superman: i’ll start with questions then !! 

superman: what’s your favorite color 

bully: hoseok

superman: do u even know my favorite color buttface 

bully: um

superman: that’s what i thought

superman: anyways i like pink 

superman: or white 

superman: those are the colors i look best in :)

won: he’s not wrong 

bully: okay fine

bully: i like red

hyunwoo: grey

nuisance: personally i like mauve

bully: mauve?

nuisance: yknow, like a pale purple

bully: i KNOW what mauve is asshole 

bully: what kind of extra ass answer is that 

nuisance: what???

nuisance: i like mauve? 

won: gay

nuisance: says you??

bully: okay next question

nuisance: if you could commit any crime and get away with it what would it be

bully: wow okay 

bully: we’re jumping right in i guess 

hyunwoo: theft 

nuisance: ooh hyung!!! now we’re getting spicy 

nuisance: what we robbing?? a bank? a jeweler’s?? 

hyunwoo: food

hyunwoo: more specifically that convenience store down the street

superman: the one with the huge ice cream machine??

hyunwoo: yes!

superman: :D

superman: wonnie you’d love that one, it has so many different kinds of chips

won: seok i don’t think we should rob a convenience store just for chips

superman: it also has ramen? 

superman: come on it’ll be fun!!

won: ….

won: i guess we’re robbing a convenience store then 

superman:  ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ

nuisance: okay now that i’ve inspired a heist 

nuisance: kihyun-ah what would yours be?? 

bully: murder 

nuisance: ur a squish, there’s no way 

bully: i am not a squish! 

hyunwoo: no you’re not 

bully: !!!

hyunwoo: you’re a chipmunk

bully: i give up

nuisance: told you

bully: i know where you sleep lee minhyuk

bully: remember… murder 

nuisance: lol okay squish 

nuisance: will u feel more validated if u ask the next question

bully: no 

nuisance: cmon squish

bully: no!!

nuisance: squishy

bully: you’re not helping yourself here 

nuisance: don’t be a killjoy!! 

bully: this is stupid 

won: just ask a goddamn question 

nuisance: :) 

bully: fine

bully: who would die first in a zombie apocalypse and who would survive the longest 

hyunwoo: minhyuk would die first 

superman: agreed 

won: agreed x2

nuisance: WHAT 

nuisance: WHY WOULD IT BE ME 

won: you’re too goddamn loud 

won: you wouldn’t last a single day 

nuisance: I AM NOT LOUD 

superman: min you’re literally text screaming 

nuisance: …. fuck you guys 

hyunwoo: if it makes you feel better jooheon would die with you 

won: he would probably die of fear before the zombies even found him 

nuisance: our fluffy boy 

nuisance: i love him 

superman: who would live the longest then

won: i would say seok because of his muscles

won: but then i remembered every other aspect of his personality and decided against it

superman: hyungwon!!

won: sorry babe but you know it’s true 

superman: >:(

superman: at least i would survive longer than minhyuk

nuisance: rude 

nuisance: well it’s definitely not kihyun that would live the longest 

hyunwoo: i think he’s got pretty good odds 

superman: me too

superman: he’s aggressive, yet smart enough to not let his anger control him 

bully: yes!!

bully: get fucked minhyuk

nuisance: that’s how i ended up in this position in the first place so i’d rather not 

won: what 

superman: minhyuk

nuisance: enough of that! let’s move on 

won: i am definitely not moving on from this topic 

won: please minhyuk, entertain us 

superman: wait min before you start!!

superman: wonnie and i want to make popcorn

nuisance: stop ganging up on me!!

nuisance: hyunwoo defend me!

hyunwoo: no thanks

hyunwoo: i think i’d like to hear this story too

nuisance: fuck you guys!!!

nuisance: i wish my children were here

nuisance: they would defend me 

superman: where are changkyun and jooheon anyway

superman: they haven’t said a single word this whole time

superman: and that is VERY out of character for them 

nuisance: they’re getting kyunie ready for his date!! 

won: with wonwoo?

nuisance: no, with park seojoon

nuisance: yes with wonwoo!!

nuisance: they’re going out to some cute lil cafe or something 

nuisance: kyunie wanted to look cute so joo is helping him

bully: does he 

bully: look cute i mean 

honey: very !!

nuisance: honeybee !! 

nuisance: how is my baby doing

nuisance: has he left yet 

nuisance: did you meet his boytoy 

honey: he’s good 

honey: nervous, but wonwoo came up to get him and he seemed like a nice guy 

superman: is he a proper suitor for my son 

won: what time period are we in?

won: nineteenth century london??

honey: quite the gentleman 

honey: he brought flowers and kyunie got all blushy 

honey: first time i’ve seen him act this way in a long time 

hyunwoo: did you threaten him 

hyunwoo: in case he breaks changkyun’s heart 

nuisance: honestly not sure if that’s dad energy or hostile energy 

honey: calm down papa bear 

honey: i have no reason to threaten 

bully: yet 

nuisance: ASKLDGABHD

honey: i will not be threatening anyone !! 

honey: as of right now

bully: i will kick ass if i need to 

honey: no offense hyung but you couldn’t kick this kid’s ass

honey: he’s… bigger than you 

bully: i will send hyunwoo to kick his ass 

hyunwoo: yes 

honey: everyone needs to cool it !!

honey: kyun will come back, read these, and see you all acting like nuts

honey: he’s a grown ass boy who can take care of himself 

nuisance: a BABIE

hyunwoo: i second that

superman: third!!

honey: i’ll tell him to text the group when he gets home

honey: stop worrying about him dads 

nuisance: if he doesn’t make it back in one piece i will slaughter this wonwoo person 

won: i think we all would min

nuisance: group murder! i love it 

honey: minhyuk 

honey: remember what we just talked about 

nuisance: … fine 

nuisance: just tell kyunie to text us when he gets back

nuisance: i want EVERY detail 

honey: okay i’ll text him right now everyone can stop their worrying 

honey: i know y’all are having a collective dad moment, but let the kid live 

superman: we just love him :( 

honey: he knows that, don’t worry :) 

superman: :) 

honey: …. 

honey: i don’t mean to interrupt this touching moment but which one of you motherfuckers said i would die first in a zombie apocalypse 

hyunwoo: oops 

superman: gotta blast!!

honey: i hate all of you

__________________________________________

chat:  **bad bitches 2.0**

weeb: hi everyone

weeb: i just got off the bus stop and i’m on my way home rn 

weeb: wanted u to know i didn’t die 

weeb: ur probably all sleeping but just to ease your conscience

weeb: i had a really great time!

weeb: i’ll tell you all about it tomorrow when everyone is awake

weeb: goodnight hyungs i love you 

__________________________________________

private chat between  **sugar** and  **spice**

spice: did you get home okay

spice: you said you left the bus stop a few minutes ago but we haven’t heard from you since then 

sugar: i’m okay hyung :) 

sugar: not dead yet 

spice: that doesn’t reassure me 

sugar: calm ur brain i just got back 

sugar: joobs is watching weightlifting fairy and snoring 

spice: send a pic in the group chat 

sugar: u just want to see him get roasted

spice: nooo 

sugar: mmhmm

spice: …

spice: so how was your date 

sugar: oh 

sugar: it was good 

sugar: he’s very nice

sugar: and um, cute, i guess 

spice: good 

spice: where did you two go 

sugar: it was an internet cafe / arcade down in itaewon 

spice: oh cool 

sugar: it was really cool, we should go sometime hyung! 

spice: okay :) 

sugar: we haven’t hung out in a while, do you wanna come over tomorrow? 

sugar: we could watch atla and do hw 

sugar: just the two of us

spice: you just want to me to do your music theory don’t you 

sugar: jooheon will make us cookies 

spice: fine

spice: see you soon brat 

sugar: :D

  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changki are so soft yet so oblivious, don't u just wanna hit them i know i do 
> 
> and will we ever find out why minhyuk was in the hospital?? stay tuned to find out 
> 
> anyways, i already have the next chapter started thanks to my mini vacation from work, so hopefully the next update won't take as long! 
> 
> hope you enjoyed :)


	5. setting sail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which jooheon most definitely does not go on a date and minhyuk forms a plan

chat: **bad bitches 2.0**

weeb: minhyuk hyung please stop calling me 

weeb: it’s 9am 

nuisance: oh i’m sorry just making sure you aren’t dead in a ditch somewhere !!

nuisance: yknow 

nuisance: since you never told us that you made it home last night !!

weeb: i’m literally in jooheon’s room playing pocket camp 

nuisance: you could’ve been kidnapped !!!

nuisance: and trapped in a lunatic’s basement against your will !! 

weeb: opposed to it being my decision?

nuisance: who knows what kind of freaky shit ur into leave me alone 

honey: hyung can u please stfu 

honey: i don’t appreciate being spammed this early in the morning 

honey: ur robbing me of my beauty sleep 

nuisance: …. 

superman: you literally can’t retort because it’s jooheon

nuisance: I KNOW

nuisance: my pretty baby needs his beauty sleep 

nuisance: gotta keep those cheekies nice and plump for me 

honey: fuck off 

weeb: don’t take that seriously he’s blushing 

weeb: DID YOU JUST KICK ME OFF YOUR BED

honey: i’m going back to sleep 

honey: traitor 

weeb: now that i’m cold and alone on the floor minhyuk hyung is that everything

nuisance: no

nuisance: tell us about ur date 

honey: literally no one else is awake hyung! ask him about it later 

superman: i’m awake

hyunwoo: yeah me too

bully: me three

won: that’s because you’re both gym junkies who get up to exercise at the ass crack of dawn 

won: and kihyun is just weird 

bully: wtf are you doing up bitch

won: on saturdays hoseok makes me breakfast and then i go back to sleep 

honey: that’s so… domestic i hate it 

superman: ur just mad that we’re in love :D

won: start talking now bc i’m going to sleep in thirty minutes and then i’m muting the chat 

nuisance: so how was it kyunie :]

weeb: it was good i guess 

weeb: we went to that retro themed arcade in itaewon 

weeb: the one with the roller rink 

nuisance: fun!!!

nuisance: what did u do 

nuisance: was he a gentleman

nuisance: did you fall in love

weeb: it was fun

weeb: dunno if i felt anything though 

superman: nothing?? 

weeb: idk

weeb: i could probably see us being friends

weeb: we like the same anime and we’re both rly good at ddr

honey: but you SUCK at ddr 

weeb: i didn’t ask for ur opinion nor did i care for the input!

weeb: i am a star!! 

nuisance: MY little star ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～☆

weeb: (/▽＼*)｡o○♡

weeb: stop flirting w me hyung i’m blushing

won: i’m suddenly not in the mood for breakfast anymore 

superman: so no second date? 

weeb: he’s cute but i don’t think he’s my type 

weeb: but i still might text him? we’ll see 

superman: if you don’t like him you don’t have to see him again

superman: don’t let us pressure you :( 

weeb: i like him 

weeb: but idk if it’s in a romantic way or not

weeb: give me one more date then i’ll know 

superman: make a new friend!! 

weeb: maybe :/ 

weeb: anyways!

weeb: i gotta go! i’m gonna get a head start on my hw today :>

superman: what?? im changkyun starting his homework at a decent hour?? 

nuisance: are you feeling okay kyunie?

won: there’s no fucking way 

won: it’s not even noon!

won: what r u rly doing u little sneak 

weeb: homework!

weeb: and ur distracting me so goodbye

won: that was fucking weird 

weeb: if u want something to talk about ask jooheon about his date today

honey: IT’S NOT A DATE

honey: changkyun u locked urself in the bathroom but when u come out i will kick ur butt !!

nuisance: all of my babies are dating :( 

honey: it’s not a date!!

honey: me and ilhoon are getting coffee and doing music theory 

superman: ooh a coffee date! 

superman: me and wonnie’s first date was at a coffee shop! 

won: but we literally spent five minutes drinking coffee and then went back to his place to fuck

won: so take from that what you will 

superman: :) 

honey: i’m leaving 

superman: wear protection!!

nuisance: bye baby have fun on ur date :*

honey: it’s NOT a date!!

_______________________________________

private chat between **honey <3 ** and **my dearest <3**

honey <3: so how did kihyun handle changkyun’s date last night 

my dearest <3: well he pouted for a long time 

my dearest <3: and then we had margaritas and i thought he had finally forgotten about it 

my dearest <3: but then i realized that i was the only one was rly drunk and he hadn’t even had a full glass

my dearest <3: AND that he had locked himself in his room 

honey <3: he does this every time how are u still surprised

my dearest <3: i thought the margs would work!! 

honey <3: he didn’t say anything else for the rest of the night? 

my dearest <3: i wouldn’t know

my dearest <3: i took a drunk nap and just woke up about an hour ago 

my dearest <3: i got my coffee but i haven’t seen him yet

my dearest <3: so he’s either still sulking or he went back to sleep 

honey <3: min that’s not a nap?? that’s a full sleep?? 

my dearest <3: long nap 

honey <3: -_-

honey <3: anyway

honey <3: there’s a reason you haven’t seen him and it’s because he’s at my place 

honey <3: just thought you’d wanna know 

my dearest <3: WHAT

my dearest <3: LEE JOOHEON

my dearest <3: you can’t just drop a bombshell like that on me and then not respond??? 

honey <3: i didn’t think it was a bombshell?? 

honey <3: him and changkyun are doing homework in his room 

my dearest <3: are they ALONE

honey <3: yes?

my dearest <3: with the door shut?

honey <3: i know what ur getting at min and i need u to stop 

my dearest <3: hold on heony i have something to take care of!!

honey <3: min don’t u dare bother them 

honey <3: MIN

honey <3: jesus christ 

_____________________________

private chat between **minhyukie** and **kihyunie**

minhyukie: so

kihyunie: what do you want 

minhyukie: i have a question

kihyunie: okay?

minhyukie: YOU’RE IN CHANGKYUN’S ROOM??? 

minhyukie: ALONE?? 

minhyukie: AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME??

kihyunie: minhyuk

minhyukie: i am your best friend!! 

minhyukie: and forever life partner!!

minhyukie: why aren’t we freaking out about this!!!

kihyunie: are you texting jooheon

minhyukie: no 

kihyunie: tell jooheon to shove off

minhyukie: kihyun you’re ignoring my question

kihyunie: i literally go over to his apartment all the time?

kihyunie: and nothing is happening?? 

kihyunie: we’re watching tv and changkyun is doing his music theory? 

minhyukie: changkyun is actually doing his own music theory?? 

kihyunie: … 

kihyunie: okay i’m doing changkyun’s music theory 

minhyukie: whipped

kihyunie: shut 

minhyukie: what are you watching

kihyunie: avatar

minhyukie: movie or cartoon?

kihyunie: cartoon

minhyukie: he likes you 

kihyunie: i don’t what you’re talking about and frankly i don’t want to hear it

minhyukie: that’s kyunie’s favorite show!!

minhyukie: he’d only wanna watch it with you if he was in love with you

kihyunie: there is absolutely no logic in that thought

kihyunie: it’s just a show??

minhyukie: and he planned a study date for just the two of you!!

minhyukie: watching his favorite show with his favorite boy!!

kihyunie: minhyuk… 

minhyukie: you guys seriously aren’t AT LEAST making out

kihyunie: i WILL block you

minhyukie: kiss him kihyun!

minhyukie: just go in for a smooch! 

kihyunie: i’m blocking you

minhyukie: [MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED] what a wasted opportunity 

minhyukie: [MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED] KIHYUN

minhyukie: [MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED] he actually blocked me that motherfucker

________________________________

“Hyung?” 

Kihyun’s concentration broke at the sound of Changkyun’s voice. The younger was flopped over on his back, pouting up at Kihyun from his place on the floor. 

“Yes Changkyun-ah?” 

“Can we take a break?” 

The younger’s entire stack of homework still lay untouched in his backpack, only his laptop was opened. From where he was sitting, Kihyun could see something written on a document but he was ninety-nine percent sure it was nothing school related. 

“You haven’t even started your work yet dumbass.” Kihyun deadpanned, refusing to acknowledge the pout working its way onto Changkyun’s lips. 

“I’ve started my music theory.” 

“ _I’ve_ started your music theory!” 

A grin was plastered onto Changkyun’s face. “Okay, you’ve started my music theory. But listen hyung…” 

Before Kihyun knew it, Changkyun was scrambling his way onto the bed and into Kihyun’s lap, mumbling something about preferring to write song lyrics instead. He lay on his back, head cradled on Kihyun’s thighs, looking up at him with those bright, twinkling eyes and catlike grin. 

And _oh fuck_ Kihyun was absolutely screwed. 

“Jooheonie left the cookies in the kitchen.” Changkyun crinkled his nose and Kihyun couldn’t help but stare down at him in adoration. “I could really use a snack hyung.” 

“But we just ate lunch?” The older tried to protest, but his resolve was slowly crumbling at the pleading tone in Changkyun’s voice. 

And then it completely crumbled when the younger tugged on his hand and jutted out his bottom lip in protest. 

“How about you take a small break, and I finish up your music theory?” Kihyun caved, feeling his heart expand when the younger boy beamed at him. “I have about five questions left.” 

Changkyun threw his arms around Kihyun’s waist, embracing him in a quick hug, to which a subtle heat crawled up the back of Kihyun’s neck. 

And while Changkyun munched on his cookies while watching his favorite show, Kihyun couldn’t find any part inside him that felt guilty. 

________________________________

(Afterwards, when Changkyun ends up eating way too many cookies and taking a nap, Kihyun can’t find it in himself to wake the poor boy up. 

Instead, he tangles his fingers in the younger boy’s hair, shifting his head so that it lays cushioned comfortably in his lap, while the rhythmic strokes of his fingertips keep the boy asleep.)

________________________________

minhyukuwu created a new chat

minhyukuwu added shownunu, leehoseok, chaewonnie, and heonybee

 **minhyukuwu** named the chat **operation: make our friends fall in love**

**minhyukuwu** changed their name to **captain**

**captain** changed **leehoseok** ’s name to **first mate**

 **captain** changed **shownunu** ’s name to **lookout**

 **captain** changed **heonybee** ’s name to **private**

 **captain** changed **chaewonnie** ’s name to **lackey**

captain: i assume you know why i’ve gathered you all here today 

lackey: oh no no 

lackey: i want NO part in meddling w those losers’ love life 

captain: we’re not gonna MEDDLE 

captain: more like behind the scenes work! 

captain: :D

first mate: i’m in 

private: yeah me too

private: i can’t deal with changkyun’s pathetic pining anymore 

private: this morning he was throwing a fit because kihyun was coming over and he didn’t want him to see his paper writing sweatpants 

first mate: is that why changkyun was acting all weird in the chat this morning? 

private: yes

private: him and kihyun are having a study date this morning 

lackey: kihyun has literally seen changkyun blackout drunk 

lackey: i don’t think anything would deter him at this point 

captain: i have to watch kihyun sulk around every time changkyun goes on a new date

captain: i want to kick his mopey ass into the next dimension every single day 

first mate: then it’s solved

first mate: we’re meddling 

captain: not MEDDLING! influencing! 

captain: believe it or not i don’t do this that often 

captain: they’re the first relationship i’ve been emotionally invested in 

private: minhyuk you’ve literally been in at least five relationships

captain: … and your point is? 

lackey: you didn’t have a chat for me and hoseok? 

captain: no???

captain: there was no awkward pining why would we have needed one??

captain: you guys literally fucked and started dating the next day 

first mate: he’s got a point wonnie 

lackey: yeah i guess you got me there 

lookout: i know i am late but i am also in 

lookout: i would like to see them happy and not miserable

private: that’s a very pure motive hyung thank u 

lookout: what’s the plan? 

captain: … the plan? 

lookout: well yeah 

lookout: i assumed you made this chat because you had one? 

captain: um 

lackey: you dumbass 

lackey: we thought you would have a plan??

captain: i TOLD you i don’t do this that often !! 

captain: i just figured we could lock them in a closet together or something 

lackey: there’s no way that works in real life 

private: also when we would we have the opportunity to lock them in a closet? 

captain: when’s our next movie night? 

private: min u can’t be serious 

captain: why not! 

captain: maybe then they’ll act on some of that sexual tension 

lookout: or maybe someone should just be direct with them? 

lookout: and then one of them will confess? 

captain: nah they’re too chicken for that 

first mate: they would never 

private: starting to think this closet idea isn’t that bad after all 

captain: then it’s settled! 

captain: next movie night we’re locking those fuckers in the closet 

lackey: oh lord help us all 

captain: now it’s time for this CREW to set SAIL on this SHIP

captain: GET IT 

captain: :{}

lackey: minhyuk i WILL smother you 

captain: hoseok ur boyfriend is threatening violence on me again!!

first mate: good! 

first mate: you deserved it!

captain: this crew fucking sucks i hate it here

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... i'm a sucker for soft changki what can i say
> 
> this story will mostly be in text version but i'll probably throw in a few scenes of prose here and there just because my brain craves it lol 
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading! see you next update :)


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